


Talan

by lillyluna



Category: Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillyluna/pseuds/lillyluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to Thankful. Contains spoilers for the continuation of DTW.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talan

They haven’t planned on having another kid. Oliver wrecks havoc on a daily basis. He learns how to climb out of his crib, how to climb over every child gate they put up and he consistently finds new ways to bruise himself up.

It had taken nine months for him to sleep through the night and even now he only does it on rare occasions. Getting him to nap is a struggle and getting him dressed is even worse. Oliver takes off his clothes like it’s an Olympic event; the 200 meter naked toddler dash.

Oliver needs stitches once before he’s a year old after he busts his chin open trying to climb out of his high chair.

A week after Oliver’s second birthday Michael leaves him alone in the upstairs hallway for a minute. Oliver refuses to be held and he refuses to be in his crib and Herman’s maybe eaten an entire box of Kleenex and Michael has to assess the damages.

He hears a crash, several thuds and loud crying. When he runs back out into the hallway the baby gate even Carter can’t jump over is halfway down the stairs and Oliver is lying on the ceramic floor of the bottom landing wailing hard.

Carter makes it to Oliver before Michael does and when Michael reaches out for his son, Carter takes a step closer to the crying toddler and growls at Michael.

“No.” Michael says in a tone of voice Carter will hopefully obey. He pushes the dog aside and kneels next Oliver.

Oliver is awake, moving all his limbs and angry as hell. He reaches up for Michael automatically but doesn’t quiet down when Michael holds him.

“Shhhh Bud.” Michael rubs Oliver’s back and runs a hand through the crazy brown hair Ryan won’t allow anyone to cut. He searches for cuts or bumps but doesn’t find any. “It’s okay Ols… It’s okay.”

Michael sits back against the wall and pushes Carter’s face from Oliver’s. He sits Oliver on his lap and gives him a once over. That’s when he notices that Oliver’s left wrist is definitely bent funny.

“Oh baby.” Michael kisses Oliver’s head again, “I know it hurts, you’ll be okay but we gotta go see a doctor. It’ll be okay.” He says the last part mostly for his own benefit.

He picks Oliver back up and holds him tight against his chest careful to protect his arm. He gets a box of apple-blueberry juice from the fridge, opens it up and empties it into a sippy cup. He hands the sippy cup to Oliver who instantly quiets down. Michael throws four more juice boxes and a bag of goldfish crackers into his backpack. He remembers his cellphone just as he’s walking out of the door.  
*

“Yes. Ryan Lochte.” Michael sighs impatiently as he drives, “I need you to page him or reach someone on the pool deck. It’s an emergency, our son is injured and I need him to meet me at the pediatric ER on campus. I’m his husband not some-“

“I can leave a message by the desk and when he-“

“No.” Michael says firmly, “I need to talk to him now. Figure it out, I’ll wait.” He snaps.

He changes lanes and glances back at Oliver who’s sleepily still drinking from his sippy cup. Michael watches his head drop and thinks that Oliver might have a concussion and that he can’t let him fall asleep.

“Ols.” He says louder than he usually would, “Dude wake up. I know baby.” He adds when Oliver looks at him angry. “Want to talk to Dad? Stay awake and you can talk to your Dad Ols.”

“Sir?” The woman on the other line’s voice is loud over the car’s speaker system, “I’m transferring you over to the pool.”

“Thank you.” Michael calls out, not taking his eyes off Oliver.

The phone rings five times before someone answer.

“Ryan Lochte.” Michael says before whoever is on the line gets to talk, “It’s an emergency. It’s about his son.”

“Ok hang on.” A voice he doesn’t know replies.

“Does your head hurt Bud?” Michael asks Oliver but Oliver doesn’t look the least bit interested in answering. “What’s your name? Tell daddy your name.”

“’Ah-ter.” Oliver says.

“No, that’s not your name. What’s your name?”

“No.” Oliver shoots back at him. “Owie.”

“I know dude you’re doing so good.” Michael feels his heart rip out, “It won’t hurt for long you’ll be-“

“Mike?” Ryan is out of breath, “What happened, they pulled me out of the pool and said you were- Is Gator okay?”

“He climbed the goddamn baby gate and fell down the stairs. His wrist looks broken, I’m taking him to the ER.”

“Is he okay?”

“He’s falling asleep in his car seat, I’m trying to keep him awake-“

“Does he have juice? That blueberry stuff he-“

“He does. You’re on speaker he can hear you.”

“Hey Gator.” Ryan’s voice instantly softens, “D’you fall baby?”

“Daddy.” Oliver calls out. He dribbles blue juice down his chin and bangs his cup on the side of his car seat.

“Yeah.” Ryan agrees with him, “I’m gonna be with you soon okay Gator? Hang in there.”

“We’ll probably be waiting forever.” Michael tells him, “You probably have time to finish practice before-“

“I’ll meet you there. I’ll see if I can call someone and get you in right away so he’s not waiting. I’ll call you from my cell, tell me if there’s news… Don’t like sign off on anything without me.”

“I wouldn’t.” Michael reminds him, “I’m like two minutes out, I just need to park.”

“I’ll be there. Tell Gator I love him.” Ryan says before he hangs up.

*

Oliver starts the cry the second the car stops and not his sippy cup or gold fish crackers or his security stars and stripes towel are working. Oliver burries his face in Michael’s neck. He refuses to look at the nurse who kindly strokes his leg and speaks softly to him.

They’re ushered to an exam room to wait because people recognize him instantly in the waiting room. Michael sits Oliver on the bed, wraps him up in one of the blankets and offers him more juice. He rubs his back and reads a Dr Seuss book to him off his iPad.

Oliver’s wrist is bruising and it starts to swell. Michael strokes his little fingers with his thumb and lets him fall asleep. An hour passes before a nurse walks back into their room to ask Michael questions and take Oliver’s vitals. She takes his juice away for a second and Oliver cries harder and calls out for Ryan.  
“I will hand off his file to the doctor and he’ll be by to see you shortly, then we’ll send Oliver for X-rays and go from there. Do you have any questions?”

“What’s the doctor’s name?” Michael asks because he’s taken to googling anyone before he lets them near their kid.

“Doctor Bracey.” The nurse answers smiling, “He’s not usually in the paediatrics’ wing but he’s great with children. I hear he even gives out candy.” She tells Oliver.

Michael closes the browser window on his phone and dials Ryan’s number, he doesn’t need to google this doctor to know he’s not getting anywhere near Oliver.

*

Austin walks into the exam room carefully. He doesn’t move torwards Oliver but looks at Michael right away.

“Look.” Austin says quietly, “There’s only two other doctors on staff and they both have more than one patient to see before they can come to him. So I can give them his file or I can see him right away. Your call.”

Oliver is fussing in Michael’s arms and it’s clear that he’s in pain.

“My kid’s in pain.” Michael says, “Whatever is fastest.”

“Ok.” Austin says, “Put him on the bed, you can hold him but I need to check him over. Does he talk?”

“Yes.” Michael answers, trying to not think of the last time he’d seen Austin, of the shit Austin had put Ryan through. “He’s not very cooperative right now-“

“Hi Oliver.” Austin says. He takes his stethoscope off from around his neck and hands it to the baby, “What happened to you?”

“He likes to climb.” Michael explains, “He climbed over the baby gate we have at the top of the stairs and we have ceramic on the bottom.”

“Was he awake the whole time? Did he lose consciousness?” Austin feels Oliver’s head.

“He’s been awake the whole time, he was falling asleep in the car but he always does.” Michael keeps a hand on Oliver’s back and strokes slow circles.

“He seems alert,” Austin makes a funny face and Oliver laughs. He pulls out a pen with a fuzzy end and moves it from side to side in front of Oliver’s eyes “Does his speech sound slurred to you?”

“No, it sounds the same… He lisps a little but that’s normal.”

“Did he throw up?”

“No… He’s been drinking his juice but he hasn’t wanted any food.”

“How’s his balance on a good day?” Austin asks, finally moving to touch Oliver funnily bent wrist, “I’d like to see him walk but not if he might-“

“Motherfucker don’t touch him.”

Ryan’s hair is still wet and he’s wearing a hoodie and basketball shorts. The look on his face is dead serious. Michael instinctively lets go of Oliver and steps up to Ryan.

“Ry.” He says, “It was either we wait or he saw him right away. Ol’s in pain so I.”

“I don’t want him touching my kid.” Ryan repeats.

“If you just let me finish examining him.” Austin says not looking away from Oliver, “I’ll send him off to xrays and someone else can-“

“Did you forget how to speak English asshole?” Ryan yells, “Get the fuck away from my son. Don’t touch him.”

“Ryan-“ Michael tries to stop him because he’s sure security has to be closing in on their room.

“No.” Ryan breaks free of Michael’s grip and snatches Oliver off the bed. He walks to the opposite side of the room with him, “You don’t understand what a psychotic suicidal mess he is. There’s no way he’s touching Oliver.”

“If you threaten me.” Austin says as he picks up his stethoscope from the bed, “Security’s going to kick you out and then your boyfr-“

“Husband.” Ryan snaps.

“Your husband’s going to have to stay alone with him because you won’t be allowed back in. “ Austin says. “Your son’s in pain and I can give him painkillers but I have to finish my exam, if you really want me out.”

“Yes.” Ryan says.

“No.” Michael says more firmly, “Ols is in pain and once he gives him something he can go away and someone else will.”

Oliver sucks on the neck of Ryan’s t-shirt but Ryan can still hear him whine softly. He looks down and for the first time sees his bent out of shape wrist. He kisses Oliver’s hair and wipes tears off his face.

“I just want to help the baby.” Austin says, “If your arm was broken you’d want pain killers.”

“I hold him.” Ryan conditions.

“I just need to check his pupils and to see him walk. The painkillers will make him drowsy because if we have to set his arm I don’t want him to feel anything. I have nieces his age and-“ Austin motions Ryan forward to sit up on the bed.

Michael sits behind Ryan and puts a hand on his shoulder and another hand on Oliver’s leg. Austin’s hand shakes while he checks how Oliver’s pupils react to light.

Austin sends them off for X-rays and Michael leaves Ryan to stay with Oliver while he goes to fill out the insurance papers. He passes by an empty exam room and sees Austin sitting alone holding his head in his hands.

*

Two hours and one tiny neon green fibreglass cast later, they sign Oliver out of the ER and Ryan walks with them back to the car. Ryan carries Oliver who’s dead to the world from painkillers.

“I wanna go home with you.” Ryan complains as he buckles Oliver into his car seat, “I don’t wanna go back to the pool.”

“He’s just gonna sleep.” Michael points out, “He’ll probably be awake and cranky as hell by the time you come home. Go back to practice dude, I got him.”

“I’m not coming home.” Ryan wraps his arms around Michael’s waist and leans back against the car, “I told Brandon I’d pick him up and bring him to see our dad… Visiting hours are over by nine I’ll be back after.”

“Babe.” Michael tries not to complain, “Ols going to cry for you all… Fuck. He’s sick, you haven’t been…”

“Brandon has no other way to get there and my sisters have stuff to do and Devon’s been there every night this week so it’s me.”

“Your kid broke his arm I think-“ Michael starts but the look on Ryan’s face makes him drop the subject fast. “Fine babe, Ols will be okay.”

“If he’s fussy you can make popsicles out of that juice he likes… I have icepacks in the garage fridge for his arm and like you can call me and I’ll talk to him, we can read him a story together or something.”

“He’s my kid too Ry… I know.” Michael sighs, “I got him.”

“I’ll come home if it’s too bad but the nurse said the painkillers would knock him out for a bit and that the second dose isn’t as strong but-“

“I was there. I know.” Michael rolls his eyes, “Dude I’m not a sixteen year old babysitter. Do you need a ride back to the pool?”

“Yeah,” Ryan accepts, “I’ll sit in the back with Ols.”

It’s a two-minute ride from the hospital to the pool but once Michael parks, Ryan doesn’t move. He unbuckles Oliver from his car seat and holds him close to his chest.

“I’m sorry about the shit show.” Ryan apologizes, “I haven’t seen him since we broke up and he was touching my kid and I don’t trust him and-“

“You haven’t told me everything have you?” Michael says, asking a questioning that’s gone unmentioned for the past three years, “About him.”

Ryan shakes his head, “He was a mistake. He doesn’t matter.”

“Was it bad?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods, “He’s pretty fucked up, he manipulates everyone and he’s just fucked.”

“I saw him while Ols was getting x-rays… He was crying in like-“

“He would.” Ryan sounds disgusted, “He gets by by getting other people to feel bad for him… Don’t think about it.”

“We gotta get Ols to bed Ry.” Michael says. He tries not to think of what Ryan’s just told him. He thinks that maybe if he tries he can get the full story out of Devon. “He’ll be okay I promise.”

“Let him watch cartoons.” Ryan says putting Oliver back in his seat and kissing the fingers of his broken arm, “And give him pudding and like… my mom always gave my pudding when I broke something. It helps I swear… I’ll bring some home tonight.”

*

“What if he’s the good one?” Michael confesses to Ryan in bed at 3am, the painkillers had started wearing off around midnight and Oliver had been inconsolable and kept trying to gnaw on his cast. “Like what if Ols is the good baby and we have another one and it’s worse.”

“There’s no way.” Ryan says horrified, “Dude like I know I raked up the bad karma kid points for all the shit I put my parents through but no way another kid can be more trouble… No way.”

It’s been an incredibly long day and Ryan hadn’t come back home before eleven. He looked like he always did when he came back from the hospital, defeated, sad and worn out. Now neither of them could sleep, waiting for Oliver to wake up crying.

“Do you want more?” Michael asks.

It’s the first time he’s brought the subject up since they’d made the 3 am sleep deprived parents of a two month old decision to not have another baby. He feels like talking about another baby might cheer Ryan up.

“Yeah.” Ryan says simply, “Like after Rio when I’m not gone all the time. I missed so much with Ols you know-“

“You didn’t miss anything, you were there.” Michael reassures.

“Not really. I mean I’m still not there…I leave early and you guys were living away for awhile and… Like I want to be there and just get to… Oliver’s spoiled as hell. He needs a brother.” Ryan talks and doesn’t finish any of his sentences.

“Could be a girl.”

“We can’t raise a girl.” Ryan laughs nervously, “Like fuck.”

“Don’t really get to choose.”

Oliver lets out one small cry. They both hold their breath and wait but the wailing doesn’t start.

“Do you want more?” Ryan asks

“Yeah.” Michael says carefully, “But maybe not now… Maybe we should wait after Rio and when things with your dad-“ He stops himself.

The subject’s been brought up though and Michael sees Ryan’s entire demeanour change. Michael runs a hand up Ryan’s back and squeezes his shoulder. He leans over and kisses close to Ryan’s collarbone.

Ryan shakes his head silently but doesn’t answer. He scrunches his nose and clears his throat but he brings a hand up to rest over Michael’s and squeezes.

“I’m gonna go check on Ols.” Ryan finally says. He drops his hand off Michael’s and stands up, “I’ll bring him up before I leave for practice if you want to sleep.”

“Babe.” Michael grabs onto Ryan’s wrist, “I didn’t mean to-“

“I know.” Ryan says softly, “I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Stay in bed Ry, I’ll go check on Ols.”

“I’m not going back to sleep.” Ryan shrugs and pulls his hand back, “I’ll make you coffee.”

Michael decides to let Ryan be alone and doesn’t follow him out of their bedroom. When the alarm rings hours later, the house is oddly quiet. Michael walks down the hall and doesn’t hear the television or Oliver laughing or Ryan walking around getting ready.

He finds Ryan asleep in Oliver’s room. Ryan is in the armchair with Oliver in his arms. Oliver has the arm with the cast slipped out of his pyjama top and his other hand curled in Ryan’s hair.

Michael reaches for Oliver first and the baby doesn’t wake up, only settles himself against Michael’s chest.

“It’s five Ry.” Michael says quietly.

“Fuck.” Ryan groans.

“I can drive you to the pool.” Michael offers, “I’ll pick you up after and we can grab some lunch or-“

“No.” Ryan pulls himself up and kisses Michael before he kisses Oliver’s hair, “I need my car to go to the hospital after.”

“Are you coming home between?”

Ryan shakes his head. He busies himself with carefully putting Oliver’s arm back through the sleeve of his space rocket printed pyjamas

It’s almost a year to Rio and Ryan’s training is hard. Michael sees him push past all his limits and fight through the pain everyday. Oliver and him are only in Florida for another week and Michael worries about who will take care of Ryan when he’s not around.

“I’m worried about you.” Michael admits.

Michael knows that 5am isn’t the best time to bring up the subject but he can’t seem to bring it up at any other time. He switches Oliver from one shoulder to the other. Oliver’s hand grabs onto the collar of Michael’s t-shirt and he lets out a sigh.

“I’m ok.” Ryan says

“You’re not. You’re not sleeping and you’re going from practice to the hospital and it shows on your face. Like…” Michael puts Oliver back in his crib and pulls Ryan out of the nursery, “Come back for dinner and just chill with us. You can pick the movie.”

“I can’t not go see my dad.” Ryan snaps, “So drop it.”

“I’m not asking you to not go see your dad.” Michael groans, “I’m asking you to come home to be with us. To like see your kid while he’s awake.”

“That’s low… Fuck-“ Ryan catches himself before he tells Michael to fuck off.

“I know it’s hard babe -“

“No.” Ryan shakes his head, “You have no fucking idea what it feels like. Your dad isn’t.”

“Fuck you Ryan.” Michael interrupts him.

They stare at each other in the dark hallway both of them bitting back words they know will destroy the other. They know each other better than anyone else and that knowledge includes the exact combination of words and insults to throw to win a fight by destroying the other.

“Don’t say I’m a bad dad.” Ryan says instead of apologizing. “I’m doing the best I can.”

“Are you?” Michael snaps, “Because I feel like I’m picking up a lot of your sl-“

“You knew.” Ryan yells, “You knew it was going to be like this. You wanted kids right away even though my life was going to be crazy. I’m sorry I couldn’t see my dad getting sick dude. I’m sorry you think I’m a shitty dad.”

“I came here to help you out.” Michael doesn’t yell back, “And you’re not letting me. You’re never here and when you are you don’t wanna talk about it or anything and Oliver fucking misses you all the time and I feel fucking second best. I’m the one who’s with him all day and he’s always waiting for you.” Michael’s voice breaks. “I’m just the guy who’s with him until you come home.”

“And I feel like my whole life is fucked.” Ryan answers, “I don’t wanna swim anymore and I don’t want to see my dad sick and I don’t wanna be not here for Oliver and all we do is fucking fight and I can’t lose you. I feel like there’s nothing I’m doing right. I don’t know what to do.”

It’s the most Ryan’s said in weeks. The most he’s admitted to since he’d called Michael at 2am crying so hard it had taken Michael two minutes to calm him down. Michael hadn’t even bothered to drop Oliver off at his mom’s house. He’d packed a diaper bag, gathered their passports and found the keys to their house in Gainesville all while Ryan was still on the line.

By the time he’d gotten to Florida Ryan had been at practice for hours, swimming laps that weren’t on his sheet and no one could get him to stop.

Michael had left Oliver with Conor and Evan because all of Ryan’s family was camped out at the hospital. Then he’d found a pair of UF trunks and dove in after Ryan, matching him stroke for stroke until finally he’d grabbed Ryan’s arm to stop him.

Ryan hadn’t talked while warming down and he hadn’t talked in the locker room. He hadn’t talked on the ride back home. There had been no food in the house but enough baby food to keep Oliver going for a year. Ryan had ordered cases of the organic blueberry/apple Oliver was addicted to. Ryan had gone to bed and Michael had called Conor asking him to bring Oliver back because he was scared to leave Ryan alone.

Michael had gotten the story out of Devon; they were stopping treatment.

Ryan hadn’t been the same since.

Now, Michael thinks, You’re standing in the hallway at 5am calling him out on being a shitty father.

“It’s why I’m here.” Michael hugs him because no matter how hurt he is he knows Ryan hurts more, “You’re not alone babe, this isn’t all on you.”

Ryan nods against Michael’s chest.

“You gotta let me help Ry or I’m just here doing nothing and… We took like vows you know.” Michael lifts Ryan’s chin up, “Sometimes I’d be strong for you and sometimes you’d be there for me. I’m cool with this being my turn.”

“I don’t want you to go back.” Ryan says, “If you go back to Baltimore, I’m following you and I retire.”

“No, you’re not.” Michael shakes his head, “I’ll help you out but you’ve given up too much to quit.”

“I can’t come home from the hospital and be alone anymore. It fucking kills me. I need you guys here.”

“Ok.” Michael nods, “We’ll stay. I didn’t know how bad it was Ry. You never told me.”

“I’m going to be late for practice.” Ryan sighs.

“I’ll drive you.” Michael offers, “We can go see your dad after, bring Ols and come back home.”

Ryan doesn’t protest and Oliver doesn’t wake up when they put him in his car seat and at 5:30 in the morning Michael holds him while he sits poolside and watches Ryan swim. When Oliver wakes up an hour later, Michael carefully walks with him around the deck almost bent in half to hold onto his hands. He holds Oliver around the waist and lets him dip his hands in the water and Oliver screams happily every time he sees Ryan.

When Oliver gets restless, Michael brings him back home, feeds him breakfast, and gets him dressed before they drive back to pick up Ryan.

That night, neither of them talks about having another baby.


End file.
